Nervous

[chibiskittles]

August 10th, I meet my shrink for the first time. I am scared and nervous. Im either gonna clam up, not shut up, or become super defensive. Going is something I need to do and I know this but it doesn't stop me from freaking out. New places. New people. That's why it took me a whole freaking year to make the appt. :/ always afraid (for no reason, I know) that I'm in the wrong place, some one will be upset at me, I donno. I just get so anxious.

But I need to go. There is so much going on in my mind that my primary doc can't handle. I'm anxious all the time when I'm alone in public. I am hallucinating both with my eyes, and my ears ( more visual but I do hear things on occasion). My inability to even go into my own -yard- alone. My mental OCD. Yada Yada... It's super freaking hard to fight the anxiety to even call the place. :/

It boils down to: I'm scared.

Also kinda getting grumpy. We leave on vacation the day after I see the doc. We have next to no money saved for said trip. For once it's not me shopping my anxieties away. Joe and Troy got into Magic: The Gathering. I can't even tell you how much money they've collectively put into the game in the past month. If you figure on average a booster costs $4 (15 cards), and a deck $12 (60 cards). Troy alone has enough cards to make at least 6 decks, with a good chunk of cards left over (I'm guessing about 200-300$ worth of cards). Joe is the same. :/ all in the past MONTH. At least wait until after the trip :(. -whines-

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